AEGIS FP 7 Lifestyle magazine.

2010 AFTER DARK FILMS – 8 FILMS TO DIE FOR

It’s that time again. And as usual, my little angerufen town of Disgusta, Georgia is too small and too DUMB to bring really cool things to the theater. Cool Things like After Dark Film’s 2010 After Dark Horrorfest IV “8 Films to Die For.”

After Dark Films has been teasing me for the last couple months, sending me press releases, photo stills and movie clips of their 8 new tasty treats, slated to hit 25 cool theaters January 29-February 4, 2010. And if you are any of the lucky ones having it visit your town, suffice it to say I am extremely jealous (especially because you get to see the ZMD installment.)

For those of you living under a rock and are asking yourself “what the F is After Dark Films?” allow me to tell you - After Dark Films was founded in 2006 by film producer/director/writer Courtney Solomon and real estate and textile financier Allan Zeman, perhaps most widely known for their creation and execution of After Dark Horrorfest® – 8 Films to Die For®.

Debuting in 2006, After Dark Horrorfest® is a week long, nationwide film festival that celebrates all aspects of the horror genre. In its first year, Horrorfest became the first film festival in history to break into the Top 10 of the domestic box office, grossing more than $2.5 million. Additionally, it has sold over 1.6 million DVDs through their distribution partner Lionsgate. After Dark’s initial film release was the box office success “An American Haunting,” written, directed and produced by Solomon. An American Haunting opened at the #2 spot in the nation and maintained its position for four weeks. Subsequent releases include The Abandoned; Skinwalkers; Captivity; and Frontier(s).

2010’S LINEUP: THE GRAVES Written and directed by comic book writer Brian Pulido, The Graves is the story two inseparable sisters that are taking one last wild road trip before one of them must start a new job. While driving through Arizona in search of a kitchy roadside attraction, the sisters come accross Skull City Mine, an abandoned mine town that has been converted into a self-guided tour.

What starts out like a fun day in the sun ends up as a mind-bending fight for survival as the sisters struggle against menaces both human and supernatural.

DREAD Anthony DiBlasi makes his directorial debut with Dread, the second film in Clive Barker’s Book of Blood franchise (you might remember DiBlasi from when he partnered with Barker’s on such films as Book of Blood and Midnight Meat Train.)

Dread tells is the story of three ambitious college students who set out to produce a documentary about fear. In doing so however, they soon learn they are actually being played as pawns in someone else’s very own experiment of terror.

LAKE MUNGO Making his feature debut, Joel Anderson both wrote and directed Lake Mungo, the story of sixteen-year-old Alice Palmer who drowned while swimming in the local dam. After her body is recovered and her death ruled as accidental, her family begins to experiences a series of strange and inexplicable “events.” The Palmers seek the help of psychic and parapsychologist, Ray Kemeny, who discovers that Alice led a secret, double life. A series of clues lead the family to Lake Mungo where Alice’s secret past emerges.

HIDDEN A Norwegian psychological horror directed by Pål Øie, Hidden tells the story of Kai Koss who ran away from his family and home town 19 years ago. Unfortunately, the death of his cruel mother forces him to return in order to can care for his family home and the dark secrets that come with it.

It isn’t long before Kai finds himself tangled up in a series of murderous events way beyond his control, and he quickly learns there are some things that you just can’t run away from.

THE FINAL The Final is the directorial debut of Joey Stewart that takes place at scenic Workley Ranch in Rocky Branch, Texas. In the midst of a wild costume party, five previously powerless and picked upon students are giving a “Final Exam” with just one question: “What did you do to deserve this?” (thankfully I am not one of the ones forced to take their “killer” exam!)

In the words of the director “The Final is about being picked on, bullied, and tormented, and the retaliation and revenge that it incurs. As the characters feel that life has no meaning, they make a pact for revenge that will teach these kids a valuable life lesson. It’s about what happens when people are pushed to the brink of despair, and the consequences that the responsible parties must face.”

ZMD: ZOMBIES OF MASS DESTRUCTION Directing by Kevin Hamedani, ZMD introduces us to conservative Port Gamble, Washington while it is being overrun with braineating zombies. As the residents of this island community seem powerless to defend themselves, a rag tag band of rebels led by Frida, an Iranian college student suspected of being an Iraqi terrorist, and Tom, a gay business man who has returned to town with his partner to come out to his mother, tries to turn the tide and send the uninvited hoards of undead back to where they came from

THE REEDS Directed by Nick Cohen, The Reeds tells of a weekend boating trip through the Norfolk Broads that becomes a deadly ordeal for six 20-something year old friends who lose their bearings in the vast reedy tidewaters. Chances of escape and hopes for survival quickly diminish as inexplicable forces terrorize the lost and frightened group.

KILL THEORY Directed by Chris Moore, Kill Theory is the story of a group of college friends who visit a secluded vacation home to celebrate their impending graduation. Their fun is cut short however when they are forced to participate in a deadly experiment by a sadistic psychopath. Loyalties are tested, tensions escalate and hope fades as they quickly realize only one of them can make it out alive, and each friend must kill in order to be last one standing.

SO THERE YOU HAVE IT: These are the 8 Films to Die For in this years After Dark Films Horrorfest IV. Salivating yet? I know I am!

LBOH’S FIRST GALA AWARD EVENT

So my buddy over at Necrotic Cinema felt the need to mention in telefonni cislo, a post of his that I have a tendency to change out my blog theme pretty much on a weekly basis. It’s bad enough catching flack about that from my husband on a regular basis, now Mr. Bill (ironically my husband’s name as well) feels the need to draw additional attention to it making me feel like that much more of a freak than I already did.

In his defense however, Mr. Bill (of Neurotic Cinema, not Bill as in my husband) was gracious enough to bestow upon my apparently ever changing site his newly introduced very own Fibonacci award which I am tickled pink to receive ( or perhaps I should say tickled green as in cootie contaminated…. Still undecided on that part.) It would seem he actually likes it, constant change included. Of course, in trying to determine how math and numbers sequence tie together with cheesy B movies, I now have a headache. Thanks Bill.

SO FIRST THINGS FIRST: A woman is never satisfied. Hence the constant visual change of my blog. Just sayin’…. I am both surprised and honored to accept this gracious Fibonacci Award bestowed upon me and would like to thank all the zombies and really bad actors, directors, special effects, etc, of the movie world for their help in making this possible. If it weren’t for them I would not be here on my keyboard, typing fervently away in gratuitous glee. No, I would probably be out socializing and that is counterproductive to the cause. I would also like to thank my beloved husband for tolerating my incessant need to watch these gawd awful B movies that he is convinced will kill the last brain cell I have left. Lastly of course, I would like to thank all of you future zombies of the world…. UNITE! AND OF COURSE, THE NEXT STEP: Apparently I am supposed to spread the wealth and joy if I feel so inclined by bestowing my very own award on blogs I love, and for the record, I do feel so inclined. Rules dictate that I cannot turn around and give it to the bearer of my award; I must “pay it forward” as they say (which BTW, was an AWESOME movie but not typically the type I review here.) The blogs I award have the option to carry on the tradition and award others as they see fit, or, if they are rude, they can choose not to. Guess time will tell…..

I would like to point out that the recipients of my award go out in no particular order and the blog in first position versus the blog in last position should in no way find it indicative of my blog preference. I enjoy and love them all equally, however if any of them post really cheesy B-Boobage in the next couple days, suffice it to say they will most decidedly slide into the number one position.

First ooh and ahh appropriately over their “Hot Zombie Award” as all these blogs deserve appropriate oohhing and aahhing themselves:

Now.. while there are multiple blogs I visit (please note my blogroll as I only have those in there that I actually like, and are not promoting them for link love…) I am selecting 3 - although all the blogs in my roll are deserving of this prestigious award:

INTERNAL BLEEDING I must confess….. I’m really rather jealous of these guys. They actually have more than one person who write on their blog and these people actually LIKE watching the gawd awful movies they review! How cool is that?? Now me on the other hand, have no one tangible who likes the kind of movies as I do so my only outlet is this blog. Luckily my husband understands my need for cheese and humors me way more than most would….. so anyhoo, if you have not checked out Internal Bleeding yet, I strongly suggest that you do. It’s a great blog with a pretty great group of B-movie enthusiasts.

DAISY THE CURLY CAT Daisy and her brother Harley offer more of a family site for sure. Zombies are not their forte, nor are movie reviews of any kind for that matter. But my dilemma is - and the reason for them being the recipient of this award - is that they are really cool cats who always make me smile every time I visit their blog. Their mom is so dedicated to their happiness and well being, and the happiness of felines less fortunate, and I just can’t say enough about this blog. Now I realize their thoughts of receiving such an award may not be favorable (boobs are not something you ever see or even hear of on their site) but I am hoping they look beyond the physical and appreciate the sentiment.

ZOMBIEPHILES Pretty much anything with zombies is a sure fire win in my book and this blog offers up an ass-load of useful information. Whereas I tend to veer from the lessons one needs to learn to help insure survival when the inevitable zombie apocalypse hits, the Zombiephiles makes damn sure to stay the course and for that, I am very thankful. You guys might want to check out this informative blog as well……… after all…. who’s to say it won’t happen??

A LITTLE PIECE OF ME Claire loves to offer up pieces of herself in the form of pictures, doodles and written confessions.Claire loves to doodle and doodle well she does. Her drawings are creative and imaginative and really rather entertaining. She may not write about horror, but her pictures certainly involve some pretty scary creatures.

THE SLAP & TICKLE And of course there is Max, an adorable little chihuahua that for some reason likes my blog even though he too never writes about horror. He tends to favor the “mother land” and things that make you go “hhhmmmm…” He actually has three blogs (that I know of) that he maintains. One I thought was dead but see that it has been revived…. it seems these days he changes blogs about as often as I change themes. Too much estrogen in his home life? I wonder if he dresses in drag? Hhhhmmm….

SO THERE YOU HAVE IT. Although I could go on all night giving out my way cool Hot Zombie Award, I will stop at 5. Check ‘em out if you have not already. They are bound to offer you hours of entertainment. Now if you will excuse me, I’m going to head on over to The Redneck Bar & Grill where opinions are plentiful, the beer is blue, and the beaver is wild. Translation? My kind pf place.

TROMAVILLE ROCKS

Nothing says “CLASSIC B MOVIE” better than Troma Entertainment. Founded in 1974 by Lloyd Kaufman and Michael Herz, Troma specialized in extremely low-budget independent movies (which I like to refer to as cheese,) many of which have developed quite a substantial cult following. Movies such as Surf Nazis Must Die, The Toxic Avenger Series, and the Class of Nuke ‘Em High Trilogy. If you have never seen them, or never heard of them, then you are not a true B fan. YEH - I said it. Now watch the video to get a taste of the joys you have been missing. It’s a terrific teaser!

Classic Horror Movie Quotes

Ok. It’s time for another confession from the life of Page agrocos - yours truly, the LBOH chick. And that confession is that I love great movie quotes. It’s not even that I just love them. It’s that I use them in everyday conversation.

Regularly.

Everyday.

(Hello - my name is Petra and I am a movie quoting nerd.) SWEEET!

My husband is equally taken with classic quotes. Unfortunately however, being as he does not favor horror movies of the B flavor, I am left reciting these gems on deaf (dare I say “dumb”?) ears. Oh sure, let me throw out a “I’m a natural blue” or “Shut up and take the pain!” and he’s all over it like a fat kid on a candy bar, but let me try “Bad, Bad, Wrong, Bad” and he looks at me like he’s Bambi caught in the headlights of my SUV.

So, since I can’t get him to appreciate these quotes, perhaps you - being the cheesy B horror fans that you are - will. And although I realize there are a gajillion more classic horror movie quotes and I am forgetting some really good ones, here is a short list of my favorites.

Feel free to add your favorites in comments. I’d love to learn some new ones! (Plus I could do this all day. :-) )

They Live: “Life’s a bitch, and she’s back in heat!” House Of The Dead: “Morte? That’s Spanish for death. Guess you don’t speak Mexican, huh?” Return of The Living Dead 2: “Look, they’re ugly and they’re dirty and they’re dumb, and I don’t even care if they are dead.” They Live: “I have come here to chew bubblegum and kick ass… and I’m all out of bubblegum.”

The Shining: “Wendy… darlin’… light-of-my-life…. I said I’m not gonna hurt ya’. I’m just gonna bash your brains in. I’m gonna bash em’ right the fuck in!!” Army of Darkness: “Yo, She-bitch! let’s go!” “You ain’t leading but two things right now: Jack and Shit, and Jack just left town.” Shaun Of The Dead: “Who died and made you fuckin’ king of the zombies?” Night Of The Creeps: “I’ve got some good news and some bad news, your prom dates are here, bad news is they’re dead.” Psycho: “We all go a little mad sometimes.” Ghostbusters: “Ray, when someone asks you if you’re a god, you say YES!”